Keeping Your Love Alive
Hold Me Tight: Keeping Your Love Alive
Up until this point, we’ve been focusing on how to reconnect with a loving partner after a bit of the spark has been lost, but in this conversation, we’re more focused on maintenance as opposed to creation. We’re at the point now where we have direction on how to solve current and future problems, and our relationships are working as well-oiled machines. At this point we are happy, and our love is strong, which will probably hold us for a few months, but love is something you must keep working at.
“Love is like a language. If you speak it, it flows more and more easily. If you don’t then you start to lose it.” As this quote by Dr. Sue Johnson elegantly describes, love is a fire that needs tending. It’s not something we feel, it’s something we actively do, and only then will you be able to find a similar satisfaction and happiness that is often created in emotionally-focused therapy.
In other words, love is a constant process of falling in and out of emotional connection, and conversation 7 is built as a roadmap for bringing the love that you currently feel for your partner into the future and beyond. There are 6 steps, and if you’re willing to put the effort into fanning the flame that keeps your relationship moving, you will see short-term and long-term results. All it takes is some commitment and intentional effort toward keeping your love alive.
Recapping and reflecting on the danger points in your relationship where you slide into insecurity and get stuck in Demon Dialogues
This gives you the chance to figure out where your raw spots are, how to address them, and how to bring you both back to a safe and secure connection
Celebrating the positive moments, big and small
With the opportunity to reflect on small moments throughout the day that makes room for connection and bonding, you both have a reinforced understanding that you impact one another in a positive way. All those shared meals and morning coffees in your daily lives will no longer go unnoticed, and instead, focus on how they contribute to overall good quality of life together.
Planning rituals around the moments of separation and reunion in your daily lives
Getting into the habit of participating in a small kiss before leaving for work, or a deep hug at the end of a long day is something that may seem insignificant, but as they become routine and a meaningful ritual for the two of you, they become a way to keep your relationship safe in an otherwise chaotic and unpredictable world. It’s a small moment that reminds you of the bond between the two of you, and one easy way to say, “I love you”.
Helping each other identify attachment issues
After months of the same arguments over and over again, both partners are bound to know a little bit more about one another’s raw spots and attachment needs. With this knowledge, you can help each other identify and slow down these issues, effectively helping you resolve problems healthily and efficiently. With this, the bond between the two of you will only get stronger.
Creating a resilient relationship story
As a common step practiced in most love and marriage counselling, this step asks you to reflect back on conflicts you’ve had in the past – why they happened, how you fixed them, and how you’ve learned to address and forgive hurts moving forward. It’s a story describing how you’ve built your bond up until this point, and how you will continue to do so in the future.
Creating a future love story
This story describes your hope – what you want your relationship to look like in 5-10 years’ time. Related to this, this story also describes how your partner can help to make this vision a reality. Having this rough outline of what you want your bond to be like doesn’t guarantee that it’s going to happen, but it gives you a springboard that you can jump off into your future love together, based on what your hope for that love is.
Couples who got into the habit of reaching for each other – and in the same vein creating a strong and secure bond – tend to become highly skilled at everyday problem-solving, protecting their relationship moving forward in life. They learned new ways of connecting, and through loving interactions with one another, they stepped into a world where falling back in love over and over again was possible.
Get in touch with Relationship Counselling Toronto’s expert love and relationship counsellors to understand how relationship counselling can help you experience the joy that comes with being able to continuously fall in love with the same person.
